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Monday, January 21, 2008
cant forget all my memories of her;
cant forget all the things i've failed to do for her;
cant forget how i left the hospital that day, crying, because i knew thats the last i'll ever see of her alive;
cant forget how i went to help out at her wake everyday, because thats the only thing that fills up the hole she left;
cant forget how i used to look at her coffin & feel like shes still with us;
cant forget how my mum described her, after she was dressed nicely to be put into the coffin;
cant forget how i keep wanting to call her again, but couldnt do it because its too painful to bear;
cant forget the last time i finally managed to call her, before those flames;
cant forget how we sent her off on that day;
cant forget how the voice in my head was calling for her not to go, until the very end;
cant forget how i failed to say a single word, or even call her for the last time, when told to say our last words to her;
cant forget how we watched her coffin enter the fire, crying;
cant forget how her room now looks so empty & lonely, after her things have been cleared away;
i'll believe in the dream my dad said he had, because i want to believe that shes still doing fine, even if shes no longer in the same world as ours.
i'll believe in what my cousin said on the night we burnt many things for her, because i want to believe that she did return home, and because i want to believe she saw us for the last time that night.
私やっぱりそんな強い人間じゃないよね。
well i know i cant be mourning forever, so this will probably be the last time i'm blogging about my gran.
i'll be going to JAS after school tomorrow, with Mit & others. well they'll be going to submit their registration forms & stuff, while i'll be going for the placement test. i hope i'll be able to at least qualify for intermediate 1. afterall, thats where my previous lessons at the community centre is supposed to bring me :P
but of course if possible, i wanna maybe land somewhere abit further XD class fees arent cheap afterall X_X
shall revise for my placement test abit ^_^ well it feels weird to think of how i've never really bothered revising my jap notes at all since i started taking classes sometime 1 yr ago :P i guess its just different to be really interested in something for once. i remember the things taught, or most of it, without having to revise ^_^ well normally, no amount of revising can force stuff into my brains. i'm supposedly really short of memory space already XD
i'm totally broke like no tomorrow already, but i still bought my 1st lolita dress today X_X
well i've always wanted one actually, and i finally decided to buy 1 today ^_^ its pretty reasonably priced IMO ^_^
its abit short, but add my long socks, i'm still not showing too much fats XD
Sel'm recently killed me with their new album brilliant force. to have EVERY song on the album sound so good on 1st listen is crazy m(_ _)m thats why i'm like soooo darn tempted to order this album *o*
but i'm not stupid, so i wont order it. not when my bank acc's nearly empty. maybe i'll consider it if i have leftover money from CNY. i cant go visit my relatives this CNY, not that i give a shit about that, but i do hope i'll at least be able to get my share of CNY money as per usual. afterall, the CNY money i get every yr is just the money from my parents. the rest of the money are for my parents to recover their losses from distributing red packets.
i've pre-ordered Dio's debut mini-album already. i'm not too happy with the price, but i guess i shouldnt complain about it since it comes with DVD. besides, its Dio! they're worth my money ^_^
gah & maybe i should really put up an Oshare Kei playlist in my iTunes. Oshare music's good when you're sick of the heavy stuff. this rarely happens to me though XD but i still enjoy Oshare music every now & then :P
`_________1/21/2008 09:10:00 pm__________
よ〜！
ああ、この素晴らしき世界が
僕は心底嫌いなんだ
DOOR - Kirito
ヴィジュアル系 <3
[_Vani;lla]
12012
176BIZ
A&D
abingdon boys school
Acid Black Cherry
Aioria (X)2002
アリス九號.
天照
アンド
アネット
Angelo
Anjyu' (X)2008
Ansinomy
アンティック-珈琲店-
ANUBIS
Aoi
Ap(r)il
Art Cube
As'REAL (X)2002
as.milk
ASS'n'ARRow～あすなろ～
attic
彩冷える
アヲイ
BABYLON
Bergerac
BERLIN
蜂-biene-
ビリー
bis (X)2008
Black:List
BLOOD
Bloody Mary (X)2007
born
BRANCH
ブローディア
水樂
CELLT
chariots
シンディケイト
Cinema [S'trip]
ClearVeil
くれ×リック (X)2006
Cloche
クロウズ
カルト (X)2007
D
D&L -->born
ダウト
DaizyStripper
dali
deathgaze
DELUHI
D'espairsRay
Diablo
Die La'vice (X)2007
Dio - Distraught Overlord
Dir en Grey
独立国歌-Ashe'-
Dollis (X)2007
ドーリスマリィ (X)2007
Dolly
ドレミ團
ダウナー
ドレキ×ルドラ (X)2005
DuelJewel
EAT YOU ALIVE
~E'm~grief
Envus
エクシア
exist†trace
FeaDior (X)2008
フィオーレ (X)2007
G-zas
Gackt
gazelle (X)2006
ゲチェナ (X)2007
gemmik (X)2008
gossip (X)2008
GHOST (X)2007
ギルガメッシュ
亟彩フイルム (X)2007
GRiST
ガイズファミリー (X)2008
ハッチ
hannah
heidi.
姫苺
ヒトツメ
焰
hurts (X)2008
INSANITY FRONTIER (X)2006
彩-イロドリ-
イロクイ。
Izabel Varosa (X)2006
JackRose
javelin -->エクシア
Jeniva (X)2006
Jessica (X)2006
ジゴロ
人格ラジオ
JOKER (X)2005
Juka (X)2008
juliadoll (X)2008
ジュリィー
julius (X)2008
Kagrra,
KaloZoic
カレン (X)2006
カリメロ (X)2004
Karma-Shenjing
Kaya
華族 (X)2006
Kewpie
己龍
Kra
クララ零式 (X)2007
KuRt (X)2007
Lamina
LAYZis
L'eprica
LICKER
Like absolute myself
ライラックベリー (X)2007
LiZ
少女-ロリヰタ-23区
LOST NAME (X)2008
Lovin' (X)2007
ルーシー
Luinspear (X)2001
LuLu
ルシア (X)2007
Lycaon
lynch.
M
MADARA (X)2007
MANNEQUIN
マルル (X)2007
査〜マルサ〜 (X)2006
MASK (X)2006
MASQUERADE
摩天楼オペラ
MaveRick -->EAT YOU ALIVE
MAXE〜メーゼ〜
メガマソ
Megaromania
メイ (X)2008
メロ
メロウ (X)2007
メリー
Meteor
meth.
Metis Gretel (X)2008
MEXIAH
弥叉 (X)2006
Mix Speaker's, Inc
白黒キネマ
Moran
ムック
ナナ (X)2006
n'DooL
ネガ
ネス
ν
NightingeiL
ナイトメア
ノード・オブ・スケルツォ
NoveLis (X)2008
オードブル
陰陽座
オーダーメイド (X)2008
お遊戯ゎが魔々団×【PaRADEiS】
-OZ-
PABLO HONEY (X)2007
PARFAIT (X)2007
Pashya (X)2007
Phantasmagoria (X)2007
Plastic Tree
ポワトリン
Prototype (X)2007
PureQ&A
R (X)2007
R指定
ラッド
ラジオ体操 -->SMILE
螺旋錠
re:Make (X)2008
RED (X)2007
RENNY AMY -->D&L
Rentrer En Soi
Retina (X)2005
レヴェリー (X)2003
Яisk un logic (X)2005
Rosario
Ruincrear (X)2007
Ruvie (X)2008
Ry:dia (X)2008
サディ
Saga
サルイン (X)2008
Scar. (X)2008
Schmelz Cure
SCREW
Seciliaルナ
SectMa
Sel'm
シリアル⇔NUMBER
斜GIRL
新興宗教楽団 NoGoD
Shulla (X)2005
シド
since1889
Siva
SKULL
SMILE
SOMATIC GUARDIAN
そろばん (X)2006
Spider lily (X)2008
STELLA... (X)2008
SuG
Sugar
SUICIDE ALI
タロット-tarrot-
the GazettE
The Grudge (X)2008
THE KIDDIE
THE RUDIE SATAN PARK (X)2007
the studs
the Underneath
十神
トゥーン工場
アンデット (X)2008
unfade
UnsraW (X)2008
VelBet
VELVETNIGHTMARE (X)2008
Versailles
ヴィドール
Villain
バイオレッド (X)2008
vistlip
Visui
ワタシメスラッグ
WHITEBLACK
Wizard
xTRIPx
ZEXER
ゾディア (x)2008
ゾロ
J-pop <3
愛内里菜
天野月子
浜崎あゆみ
いきものがかり
倖田來未
ナナムジカ
ルルティア
島谷瞳
玉置成実
東方神起
アニメ <3
橋本みゆき
林原めぐみ
星村麻衣
川田まみ
小坂りゆ
KOTOKO
栗林みな実
美郷あき
水樹奈々
奥井雅美
坂本真綾
下川みくに
米倉千尋
漫画家 <3
富士山ひょうた
日輪早夜
樹要
真山ジュン
みなみ遥
峰倉かずや
中村春菊
高城リョウ
やまねあやの
自己紹介
-am a diehard VK fangirl + anime lover + yaoi fangirl
-have a #1 love, out of my countless idols
-tend to rant endlessly without realising
-love bitching about things i hate, so be warned
-personality test result: INTP
欲しい物~
- external HDD (1TB)
- 「クリムソン.スペル」vol.3 (2009.03.25)
- Kagrra,'s new album 「朱」(2009.04.01)
- 新城歌澄's debut solo album (2009.04.01)
- ファンダーシリズ vol.5 (2009.06.10)
- PSC 10th Anniversary live DVD (2009.04.15)
友達
Nee-chan
Benjamin
Cindy
Gary
Joanna
Ken
Li Yuan
Michiru
Nicholas
Tony
Shufen
Wanxin
Livejournal
クレヂット
Kinkiiwinky`o6
